He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
...so i touched it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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