so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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