I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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