Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I need to stop coming to work sober
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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