I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
