hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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