I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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