i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
