oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
