ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
