I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
did i just pee glitter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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