Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A bitchslap is in order.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
