He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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