u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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