who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
