I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize