Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
