She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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