Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
