Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Michael Bay diarrhea
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
