Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize