coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
