No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
