what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
