left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
