Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
