I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
