i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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