His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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