You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
