and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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