Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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