so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
