I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
