Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fill condoms, not promises.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize