so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
