Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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