Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
