Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
