Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
