i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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