I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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