i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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