I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
