"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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