how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
