My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize