WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
