11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
