When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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