I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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