did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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