im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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