I seem to have left my pride at pride
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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