What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
