my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
