you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
