I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
