But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
