there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
