whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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