so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
