I didn't shave. On purpose
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
