the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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