She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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