no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
