take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
