I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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