he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
