i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
