Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
