hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
