Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
