You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
