I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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