I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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