Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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