I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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