Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
