Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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