Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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