**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
