can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
