I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
