I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are a genius and a whore.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
