Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize