I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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