omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
