Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize