The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
