I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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