I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
