I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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