So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
