Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
