my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
