I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
