I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
